Tuesday, 15 May 2012

Avengers Assemble - a nonsensical mish-mash

When the trailers came out for this one, I really wasn't interested. But then people started saying it was 'way good'. So against my better judgement, I sat down to enjoy this and disliked almost every minute of it severely - apart from any moments with Mark Ruffalo who outclassed everyone.
This is what the kids' think is cool right? My get up is totes eye catching

**SPOILERS ALERT** The first five minutes killed it for me. The motivation for the prime antagonist, Loki, was so weak and flimsy, I'm surprised it got past script development phase. The moment he started spouting nonsense about humans natural state is wanting to be submissive, I thought this is a pile of fecal matter. I mean really? It would have worked better if Loki referenced the fact that he was a part of a pantheon of divine beings worshiped centuries ago and so he kind of wants to resurrect that - that would have made sense. Instead, it was just because he was still pissed at big daddy O for ....yada yada, boring.

The rest of the movie didn't even try to make sense. Dr. Fury made no sense (who the hell is he, what's his purpose?), the Hulk made no sense. One minutes he's the ultimate weapon/a risk to everyone, friend or foe, the next he's righteously fighting for the good guys, perfectly aware of what side he should be on etc. And if he's so badass frightening, the petty attempts at all the guards etc reaching for their guns as protection each time they feared he would break out was stupid - guns clearly don't work and they know it. So....?? I mean when Capt America mentions how that stupid suit of is might be old fashioned and Dr. Fury replies that 'sometimes you need old fashioned' I wanted to lament out loud at the sheer lost nature of this film. So there's an other-worldly force about to descend on Earth and you want old fashioned, despite being in some behemoth airship that has some mega cloaking device?

I thought bringing superheroes together would create some interesting dynamics. It didn't - it was just each one trying to show how much stronger they were than the other. I really expected something a little more from Joss Whedon. After fifteen minutes I thought 'Ok, let's just treat this as popcorn fodder, let's not try and gauge some sense of story' (and with that flashed an image of a manuscript with a sad face while the producers turn to it and say 'Oh no, sorry, you're not making it into the film, we're even using the first draft as toilet paper.' - just tried to sketch a cartoon - it didn't really work) - even then, I was bored. That's right. I didn't basically care two hoots who came out of this nonsensical rabble.

The action was good, I will give it that, but that's hardly a compliment, seeing as we all know films can do the action sequences so well these days. And I guess the alien fish ship thing was interesting. But I think that was all that I found mildly engaging. Rubbish name, rubbish film. And what better way to end a rubbish movie with 'news' footage on grateful citizens gushing about how amazing it was the Captain America et al came to the rescue (that blondie that managed to get some coverage was blatantly a producer's daughter or something), with one kid COMPLETELY missing the point of how close the planet came to being overtaken by freaky aliens and peeing his pants with excitement at all the stuff blowing up - disregarding the insane amount of collateral that probably killed his best friends parents. Over inflated mulch and barf-ness.

This film gets a big thumbs down. VERDICT: 3/10.


  1. This film needed more Minotaur for my tastes. At least... three more. A pegasus wouldn't have hurt either.

  2. I wholeheartedly agree on all accounts!