The dissipation

- The belief system that 'Life has to be fair' started to be broken down yesterday. Ultimately, I have to be fair to myself. Give myself and others around me a break. Justice (the human form) can't be imposed everywhere. Fighting against the idea of injustice or whatever is just grief.

-The workshop ran over. We did some really cool energy/meditative work though - like bringing 'spirit/god' inside of you. It was amazing how resistant some ppl are to accept that the divine being is within them. *shrug* it made me feel free like a kid though - that goofy happy kid who knows they can do anything. my visualisation became a little Archadian with forest nymph like divine beings dancing all around me as if in celebration of some Bacchus-led festival. we also had to amplify our fears, like really really feel them. that was weird. it must have permeated into my dream state becos i woke as if from a nightmare, and the fear was literally like an air of static around me. i could hear it buzzing in my ears.

- I had to reconnect with the teachings of The Secret again. I did bizarre things like print out their visual aid stuff they have on the website. whatever, it makes me goofy happy. I was jamming in the surgery when no one was around of course. it felt good. happiness is so like a drug though. you have to keep topping up your dose of it, recharging etc. i'm dying to watch a funny movie. I mean I watched '17 again' at the behest of my sister. It was fun, and fun is awesome. I need to watch stupid/happy movies more - next on the list is 'Yes Man'

- Reading real fantasy again, the stuff that is integral and reminds you of why you love the stuff and seek to emulate it. Of course I speak of none other than Great J R R Tolkien and 'The Children of Hurin'. Took me awhile to get my head around the races/relations/geography seeing as its not user friendly to keep flipping to the map at the back. It was gifted to me by my mother who always seem to know what I desire without me ever speaking of it, as if she picks up the transmission on another plane. Bless her to bits.